to hear and to listen to
by sunokasai
Summary: When not everything's resolved, it needs drastic measures for them to come around. Also; Dia is a modern saint. Or cupid?


When Mari skips through the door of her classroom in elementary school, smile all bright and eyes shining like the stars, she expects the usual greeting. Dia shyly waving at her from her seat with a smile on her face and a chirpy "Good morning, Mari-san" and Kanan practically jumping towards her, arms wide open to catch Mari in a giant but gentle hug.

But when seconds pass by she realizes that something is off today. Because there is no Kanan meeting her in the doorframe and Dia waves with a sad smile as if she knows something that Mari doesn't.

A fever, the teacher tells them. That's why Kanan didn't come to school today.

Mari, being the eight year old girl that she is, doesn't understand. It's Kanan they're talking about, the ever energetic Kanan. She's never seen the other girl sick, and she can't believe it either.

Her school day is so much more different than usual, so is Dia's. It's their friend, it's always Kanan who drags them around, who finds the most interesting things to do and who makes them break out of their shell, even if it's just for a bit. Just when they're together, the three of them. But without her… Dia doesn't want to admit it, stubborn and full of pride even at such a young age, but she is shy, too shy. Mari is, too, but for a different reason, she just moved here a few months ago and doesn't know much about this place.

So it's just them, shyly talking to each other. It's not unpleasant, Mari thinks. But it's so much more different.

After school they run down the street and onto the ferry to Awashima. They don't say it, but they're both concerned. Concerned about their friend. They're greeted by Kanan's grandfather, who smiles at them gently. He tells them that he's happy that they've visited and guides them through the small house and into a small room. It's dark but Mari can see the telescope at the window and the diving suite in front of the wardrobe.

The older man walks past them and sits down on the edge of the bed. Mari and Dia run on the other side, climbing up the mattress, carefully. Mari's heart drops at the sight in front of her.

There is Kanan, tucked into the sheets of her bed and panting heavily. There is a cloth on her forehead that is removed by her grandfather. With the fabric gone, Mari can see the sweat gathering on the girl's skin. Mari reaches out with one hand, instincts driving her, and she touches Kanan's cheek. Her small hand jerks back the moment she feels the heat seeping through her own skin.

She looks at the man beside her, worried, and she feels tears in the corners of her eyes. He pats her head gently, telling her that everything is going to be okay. That Kanan will be back at school soon.

He leaves the room and the girls take a seat on either side of Kanan. They tell her everything that comes to mind, hoping that she'll hear them. They leave with Kanan still asleep.

The next day they want to do the same but Kanan's grandfather stops them, telling them that the fever got worse. His expression softens when he sees the girls' defeated faces, promising that he just wants Kanan to get better and that she needs peace right now.

They do like they've been told. Mari looks down at the jetty every evening, wishing to see the flashlight again.

It takes a whole week. By then she walks into her classroom with her eyes looking down at the floor. She isn't expecting anything. No shy greeting and no hug. The more startled she is all the more startled when someone jumps on her back and tiny arms circle around her shoulders. She feels a cheek nuzzling her own and the familiar voice of Kanan whispering "Good Morning".

Mari hasn't cried like that in a while.

* * *

She wakes up when a ray of sunlight hits her closed eyes. She rolls on her back and sits up, rubbing her yellow orbs. The teen looks around her room, wondering why she dreamed of something like this. Or remembered, that would probably be the more accurate term to use.

She gets out of bed and strides over to her wardrobe. Right in the middle of pulling out her school uniform Mari remembers that summer vacation is still a thing and that she and Kanan wanted to explore the town. After two years spent overseas Mari's eager to see what has changed.

Ten minutes into the morning and she hasn't picked out anything yet. Has it always been this difficult to choose an outfit? After all she is just spending the day… with Kanan.

The blush that rises to Mari's cheeks disappears when she shakes her head. They are just going to walk through the town, so something casual should be alright.

In the end she picks out a cute summer dress she fell in love with the moment she saw it when her dad invited her to join him on a trip to L.A. (it's light blue and has a wavy pattern) and some simple yet comfortable ballet flats.

She takes a look at her clock and realises that she'll run late if she doesn't hurry. Picking up her small bag she rushes down the stairs and only stops when her dad calls her from his office.

" _Why in such a hurry?_ " the older Ohara asks in perfect English as he approaches the door. There is a small hint of his Mediterranean origin.

Mari smiles at him, all bright. " _Meeting up with Kanan. We wanted to go for a walk today._ " In comparison, Mari's Japanese influence is strong, her accent heavier. Not that she minds, because all she thinks of when she thinks about Japan is beautiful. She doesn't wait for her dad to say something, instead she is on her way again, telling him that she's running late.

She hears him shouting something about rain, but she doesn't listen. Dia would scold her again, she thinks and has to giggle.

After years of sneaking out of the hotel to get to Kanan's place she knows the way by heart. Someone could blindfold her and she would still arrive safely, even after all this time apart. She turns the corner and sees the small shop right beside the actual home. Kanan's grandfather, still a gentle soul (and still really fond of Mari, Kanan assured her once), greets her with a smile and tells her that his granddaughter is in the kitchen.

Mari almost floats through the door, all eager and excited and jittery. "Good morning!"

She expects a giggle, a shake of the head with this blue ponytail swaying through the air and a more reserved greeting by her friend. A smile as bright as the sun. But instead she sees Kanan, head on her palm and with a tired smile.

"Mornin', Mari." Even her eyes look somewhat damp, Mari thinks.

She approaches Kanan, a frown replacing her own smile and worry in her eyes. "Something wrong?"

Kanan sighs and stretches the muscles of her back by lifting her arms over her head. "I'm just… not feeling well."

A smirk replaces the frown as Mari leans forward, getting closer to Kanan. Has her skin always been so pale? "Have you been working late again so that you couldn't sleep?"

Mari knows that habit. She thinks it's bothersome sometimes, when Kanan helps out at the shop and forgets about the time, working till it is deep into the night already. Kanan is an early riser, no matter when she went to bed. A combination that Mari doesn't like.

"I did help out until late, but tha-" Kanan wants to argue but is interrupted when Mari squeezes her cheeks with both her hands.

"I told you not to do that." She scolds lightly. She knows the other girl can't help it, but who else is going to remind her to take it easy once in a while. "All you need is some fresh air, then. Which is perfect, because coincidentally we agreed on taking a walk together."

The bright smile is back on Mari's face and even Kanan's features soften upon seeing her friend this happy. But she is still holding something back. Mari can see it.

"Or maybe I should stay at home. We can go another day?" Kanan offers with a small smile which earns her a pinch on her arm and a pout.

" _No fair_." The pout makes her accent even more prominent. "We've already delayed it twice because you had to help in the shop."

Now it's Kanan's turn to frown as she watches Mari with a little bit of guilt. She sighs in defeat. No one can resist Mari's pout. "Ok, let's hurry up then."

Kanan smiles and Mari doesn't notice that it's a little strained. Her own smile returns, brighter as ever.

They walk around town and Kanan tells her all the little details. Like that the one couple that always waved at them when they returned from school are now parents themselves. How her favourite ramen shop upgraded. Stuff that others would classify unimportant, but to Mari they mean the world right now, because it means she truly came back.

They spend the whole morning walking and chatting away. Passing by the stairs that lead up to the shrine, Mari thinks this would be the perfect ending to their walk. As she turns around she sees Kanan watching the sky. Mari lifts her head, too and sees the grey clouds that gather.

"It's going to rain soon, I think. The air smells different." Kanan comments and Mari is impressed that she can smell a change in the air. To Mari it's the same as ever. But then again, Kanan spent most of her time in the nature.

She grabs Kanan's arm and pulls a little to get her attention. "Just the shrine. After that we can go home or seek shelter up there." Mari knows that Kanan can't resist her puppy eyes, so she uses them. " _Pretty please?_ "

With a last look up the sky Kanan turns to her and nods. Mari drags a little more to set her into motion and they start to jog up the stairs. "„Mari! " Kanan's protest is met by deaf ears.

Halfway up the stairs rain starts pouring down. Mari increases her speed a little bit and soon they reach the top. She let's go of Kanan and spins around, looking at Kanan once she stops. Her friend smiles back at her gently. With the rain, Mari is mesmerized by the sight before her for a second.

She turns around to hide the blush she knows started creeping up her cheeks and starts walking closer to the shrine. For two years she hasn't been this happy. Knowing that her friends and the only place that she'd call home were so far away had made her feel lonely, but those days are gone now.

"Ne, Kanan?" When Kanan doesn't answer she expects her to wait patiently for her to continue. "I thought about coming back a year ago, you know? But I was so afraid. And when you and Dia were so… different from what I remembered I doubted my own choice. But I am glad I came back, because I am so happy right now. I just regret being a coward a ye-"

A thud behind her makes her stop in the middle of her sentence. When Mari turns around she is not prepared for what she sees. Lying on the muddy ground is Kanan, unmoving.

"Kanan!" Mari rushes over to her friend and rolls her onto her back. The girl is panting heavily and when Mari tries to wake her up by shaking her she feels Kanan's heart hammering in her chest. As if she just ran a marathon.

Reaching for Kanan's face a picture of a younger Kanan from her dream crosses her mind as the heat seeps through her skin. Despite the chilling rain Kanan's face is scorching hot. By now Mari can't stop the tears from falling.

"Kanan… _Come on_. Wake up. Kanan!" She pulls her into her lap and rests Kanan's head under her chin to protect her from the rain. She knows it isn't much, but what else is she supposed to do?

She searches for Kanan's phone in her pockets to call her grandfather. He picks up almost immediately and Mari explains what happened, that Kanan fell unconscious and has a high fever. She barely takes a breath between words. Kanan's grandfather tries to calm her down, that he's already on the way.

So she waits. From that point onward everything's a blur for Mari. She remembers holding Kanan tight until someone picks her out of her arms. She remembers walking, but she doesn't remember where. It's when she stays in the doorframe of Kanan's room, looking at her friend who's been taking care of by her grandfather, that she knows where she is.

If someone asked her if she was crying she would say that no, she isn't. The wet streams that are running down her cheeks are from the rain. What else?

She blames herself, because right now, with nothing but Kanan's heavy breathing as a sound, she remembers. That her father had tried to tell her that it would rain later the day. How Kanan said she wasn't feeling well and that she didn't look well either. But yet, Mari had been relentless, dragging her friend outside.

When Kanan's grandfather approaches her she expects him to hit her or at least scold her. So when he raises a hand she backs down a little, awaiting a hit that never comes. Instead she's being pulled forward by a strong hand at the back of her head and into a gentle hug.

"Don't blame yourself. She wouldn't want that." He says quietly and softly. He's patting her head gently because he feels that Mari starts shaking. "I still need to run the shop. So take good care of her, ok?"

She nods. This time Mari doesn't hide her tears.

* * *

It takes one call to let her father know that she won't be returning today, and probably nor the next day or the day after that. He understands and Mari thanks whatever entity that he does and that he even sends someone to bring her some clothes.

The second call is way more unpleasant, so she tries to delay it as much as she can. But she needs to, because she needs someone to know that the chairwoman won't be at school the next couple of days. Not to mention that she needs to tell that someone that her childhood friend is terribly sick and that it's the fault of her other childhood friend.

So when she calls Dia in the late afternoon she braces herself for a scolding she has never had before. To her surprise, Dia doesn't scold her, or she wanted to, because she had already started. Mari figures that after the other girl had heard her sobbing through the phone she had decided not to. Instead she tells her that she'd come by the next day.

Asking about the others, Dia says that she'll tell them. But she will try to keep them away. Not because she doesn't want them to visit. She thinks that too many people in Kanan's small room won't help Kanan recover.

Ending the call, Mari turns her attention back to the sick girl in bed. She takes the wet cloth off her forehead and wrings it out over a bowl with cold water. Checking, Mari realises that the temperature hasn't dropped yet. She frowns. Luckily though, Kanan's pulse had slowed down a little.

She gently removes some of the blue strands of hair that are stuck on the girl's sweaty skin before she returns the cloth to its former place. Her hand moves down to caress Kanan's cheek as she takes in her friends face.

Her eyelids are fluttering every now and then, as if Kanan has a nightmare. And yet, all things considered, Mari still thinks that Kanan is beautiful. This time she doesn't hide her blush. Why? It's not like anyone could see her.

As she sits at the bedside, Mari loses all sense of time. Occasionally she sees Kanan's grandfather checking up on them. She moves her hand from Kanan's cheek to take her hand, interlacing their fingers. She guides their joint hands upwards, stroking the back of Kanan's hand with her thumb. " _Please_ , get well soon. _Okay?_ "

* * *

The next day, Dia visits.

She checks up on Kanan's condition, which has neither improved nor worsened. She's silent for most of the time before she stands up and asks Mari to follow her with a simple gesture. Kanan doesn't need to hear how Dia will lecture her, Mari thinks.

"What were you thinking?" As if she's a mind reader, Dia asks the one question that has been on Mari's mind ever since yesterday.

She doesn't dare to look into her friends green eyes. "I don't know. I just… I was so looking forward to spend spending some time with Kanan that I didn't notice." She swallows, because her next sentence will be the nail to her coffin. "And… I ignored her when she told me she wasn't feeling well."

Dia groans loudly, hands in her hair and slowly gliding down her face. "I said it once, I'll say it again. You just don't listen when someone's talking to you." Shaking her head, the oldest Kurosawa sibling starts walking up and down in front of Mari. "God, you're both so troublesome I want to bury you alive sometimes. And look what you've got yourselves into."

Mari's confused by know. "Why do you blame Kanan, too? It's my fault that she-"

"Mostly, yes." Dia interrupts before Mari has a chance to continue. "But that stupid fool is also to blame. Think about it. Why didn't she continue refusing to tag along instead of giving in? Even you'd have given up at some point."

Now that she's thinking about it, Dia's got a point. And judging by her friend's expression Mari knows that Dia seems to know that Mari got the message.

"Look." Dia's voice is soft, like when she told everyone what truly happened two years ago. "I know we've talked it all over and that we've decided to keep things of the past in the past. And we know that you're not mad at us… for making a choice for you." Her head turns towards the room their friend is currently in. "But seeing that it was mostly Kanan-san who decided to do it and convinced me to play along… She still feels guilty, you know? And I told you, didn't I? That she'd always care for you?"

Mari can't help it. So she doesn't try to hold back the tears and the sobbing. Dia pulls her in for a hug and just holds her.

"She would do anything to make you happy. You could ask her to jump out of a plane without a parachute if that would make you smile. Because she loves you more than anything."

Like that day in the clubroom Mari thinks that Kanan really can be an idiot sometimes.

* * *

Another day passes and the fever is slowly disappearing. Kanan remains unconscious, though. Mari stays with her all the time, but even a thousand cups of coffee can't keep her awake for three days straight. She doesn't even notice when she falls asleep, her head on the mattress beside Kanan's shoulder and fingers still woven together.

What she does notice is the missing hand in hers when she wakes up the next morning. Mari's eyes shot open just to see an empty bed. Even the sheets are gone. She looks around the room but there is no trace of Kanan.

A little alarmed (who is she kidding, she's almost panicking) she walks out of the room, scanning the kitchen and the small living room. But her friend in nowhere to be found. It's when she walks out to check the porch that she sees her.

Kanan is sitting there, on the solid wood, legs crossed, with her blanket draped around her. She's watching the sun rising over the ocean, her expression relaxed, and Mari is just relieved. Without saying anything she rushes forward. Kanan hears her footsteps on the wood and looks over, but doesn't have enough time to react before Mari captures her in a tight hug, sending both of them to the ground.

"Mari? What-"

"Why do you keep being such a damn fool?" Mari interrupts, sobbing into Kanan's shoulder. "Why didn't you stop me when you were…. You were…" Her voice gives out and she just clutches Kanan's shirt tighter.

She feels arms and a blanket wrapping around her back, holding her close. A finger starts to draw circles on her back and Mari feels herself relaxing. A couple of minutes later she has stopped crying.

"Mari? I'm sorry, I-" A finger on her lips stops Kanan from saying anything further.

Mari lifts her head and looks at Kanan. "No, I am talking now." She moves a little so that she can connect their foreheads, glad to feel the familiar warmth and not a burning fire. "I am sorry, for not listening and being selfish. This wouldn't have happened if I would have been more aware of what people were telling me and what I saw."

She nudges Kanan's nose with her own and frowns when Kanan turns away from her. The coughing fit that follows and shakes Kanan's entire body makes her worry again.

Of course, Kanan notices. "I'm fine. You weren't finished yet, were you?"

Mari shakes her head. "I don't blame you." As if Kanan knows what she is referring to she stiffens but Mari continues. "So please stop blaming yourself. You don't need to make me happy, because I am happiest when I am with you."

She buries her head in the crock of Kanan's neck. Two days of taking care of Kanan and Dia's words (again) and she finally realized (or more like: admitted) that Kanan's more to her than a friend. And if she understood Dia correctly it's the same for Kanan.

"I told you, didn't I? I care about you just as much as you care about me." She lifts her head and looks into the purple eyes that are staring back at her. "And that means that I love you just like you love me."

"Are you sure it's the same?" Mari's watches Kanan's eyes looking for some proof that Mari means it.

"Hm." She nudges Kanan's nose again, even more affectionately this time. "Dia told me."

She feels how Kanan scrunches her nose and Mari doesn't need to look up to see the frown. "I need to stop Dia from telling people things she is neither supposed to tell nor in the place to tell others."

Giggling, Mari raises an eyebrow in mock confusion. "No doubts this time around?"

"Dia knew long ago, so if she told you then the answer is: No, no doubt."

Mari smiles brightly for the first time in a couple of days and Kanan thinks it's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen. So she smiles, too, squeezing the girl in her arms that she should probably refer to as her girlfriend now.

But when Mari dips her head down in a way that doesn't leave any room for another interpretation than a kiss, Kanan stops her a few centimetres from her goal. "We should probably wait until I am fully recovered."

Mari takes the hand away and just shakes her head. "That's actually something I don't care about."

And she captures Kanan's lips in a gentle kiss that definitely won't be their last.

* * *

 **author's note:**

 **Thank you and I hope you enjoyed reading. I headcanon that Kanan rarely gets sick, but if she does it turns out to be rather bad. That was the basic idea behind this fic. I bet this won't be the last KanaMari I'll write because I love this pairing, but better not to make a promise.**

 **Either way. See ya' :)**


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